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Tips for Parents — What To Do and When
When you have a suspicion that your teen is "experimenting"
with drugs, what do you do?
Get Educated
First, learn as much as you can. Sign up for TheAntiDrug Parenting
Tips Newsletter or www.Freevibe.com
 for
information and scientific evidence on drug and alcohol use by teens.
Or, you can call the National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information
(NCADI) for free pamphlets and fact sheets. They’ll even send it
in a plain envelope if you wish. They can be reached at 1-800-788-2800;
Spanish: 1-877-746-3764.(24 hours, 7 days a week). Or
visit their Web site at http://www.health.
org/
Have The Talk — Let Them Know You Know
The next thing you can do is sit down and talk with your child. Be sure
to have the conversation when you are all calm and have plenty of time.
This isn’t an easy task—your feelings may range from anger
to guilt that you have “failed” because your kid is using
drugs. This isn’t true—by staying involved you can help
his/her stop using and make choices that will make a positive difference
in his/her life.
Be Specific About Your Concerns
Tell your child what you see and how you feel about it. Be specific about
the things you have observed that cause concern. Make it known if you
found drug paraphernalia (or empty bottles or cans).
Explain exactly how his/her behavior or appearance (bloodshot eyes, different
clothing) has changed and why that worries you. Tell his/her that drug
and alcohol use is dangerous and it’s your job to keep his/her away
from things that put his/her in danger.
Don’t Make Excuses
Although it’s natural for parents to make excuses for their
child, you’re not helping him/her if you make excuses when he/she misses
school or family functions when you suspect something else is at play.
Take the next step: Talk to your child and get more information.
  Try to Remain Calm and Connect With Him/Her
Have this discussion without getting mad or accusing your child of being
stupid or bad or an embarrassment to the family. Be firm but loving
with your tone and try not to get hooked into an argument. Knowing
that kids are naturally private about their lives, try to find out
what’s going on in your child’s life. Try not to make the
discussion an inquisition; simply try to connect with your teen and
find out why he/she may be making bad choices. Find out if friends or
others offered your child drugs at a party or school. Did he/she try
it just out of curiosity, or did he/she use marijuana or alcohol for
some other reason? That alone will be a signal to your child that you
care and that you are going to be the parent exercising your rights.
Here are some suggested things to tell your son or daughter:
- You LOVE him/her, and you are
worried that he/she might be using drugs or alcohol;
- You KNOW that drugs may seem like the thing to do, but doing
drugs can have serious consequences;
- It makes you FEEL worried and concerned about him/her when he/she
does drugs;
- You are there to LISTEN to him/her;
- You WANT him/her to be a part of the solution;
- You tell him/her what you WILL do to help him/her.
- Know that you will have this discussion many, many times.
Talking to your kid about drugs and alcohol is not
a one-time event.
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Be Prepared. Practice What You’ll Say
Be prepared for your teen to deny using drugs. Don’t expect him/her
to admit he/she has a problem. Your child will probably get angry and
might try to change the subject. Maybe you’ll be confronted with
questions about what you did as a kid. If you are asked, it is best to
be honest, and if you can, connect your use to negative consequences. Answering
deceptively can cause you to lose credibility with your kids if they
ever find out that you’ve lied to them. On the other hand, if you
don’t feel comfortable answering the question, you can talk about
some specific people you know that have had negative things happen to
them as a result of drug and alcohol use. However, if the time comes
to talk about it, you can give short, honest answers like these:
“When I was a kid I took drugs because some of my friends did.
I wanted to in order to fit in. If I’d known then about the consequences
and how they would affect my life, I never would have tried drugs. I’ll
do everything I can to help keep you away from them.”
“I drank alcohol and smoked marijuana because I was bored and
wanted to take some risks, but I soon found out that I couldn’t
control the risks — the loss of trust of my parents and friends.
There are much better ways of challenging yourself than doing drugs.”
Act Now
You can begin to more closely monitor your child’s activities.
Have a few conversations. Ask: Who? What? Where? When? Reflect with your
child on why he/she is using drugs and try to understand the reasons why
so that you can help solve the problem. When you get a better idea of
the situation, then you can decide next steps. These could include setting
new rules and consequences that are reasonable and enforceable — such
as a new curfew, no cell phone or computer privileges for a period of
time, or less time hanging out with friends. You may want to get them
involved in pro-social activities that will keep them busy and help them
meet new people. For more information about how to set and enforce rules,
visit the Advice area on www.TheAntiDrug.com.
Get Advice In Your In-box: Sign up for the Parenting
Tips newsletter.
For specific advice about what to say and how to start the conversation
with your teen, read these talking points. For more information, download
the brochure, “Suspect
You Teen is Using Drugs or Drinking? -- A Brief Guide to Action for
Parents” (PDF).
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