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Parenting Path Number 1.
You can insist - and enforce - that your child not see this boy anymore. Your daughter is not at the point yet where she can determine what is safe for her and what is not. It is your responsibility as a parent to determine how to keep her safe. You do this by establishing rules, creating consequences for behavior you are trying to limit and rewards for behavior she changes. If she were using drugs, I would favor this path. Because she is not using drugs, you have the option of using a softer approach.

Parenting Path Number 2.
Work with your daughter to keep her focused on her OWN future. High school years are an important springboard for the "next step." Working with your daughter on behalf of her future instead of fighting against her about her romantic choice puts you both on the same team. Because you, as a parent, are responsible for keeping her safe and focused, you can insist - and enforce - that she be involved in certain extra-curricular activities that may impact college or job applications. You may also require goal-setting sessions, or an after school job. These are ways of ensuring that your daughter has a life of her own without doing battle with her romantic relationship. My guess is that her relationship will lose some of its urgency - and appeal - when you stop pushing against it. The high school years are a time to experiment with new relationships but they are also a time to develop a vision for your life and career, don't let your daughter lose sight of her future!

Alison Birnbaum is a Licensed Certified Social Worker who is a parenting expert in the National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign. She has a private practice in New Canaan, CT.

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