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As a high school health teacher, one of the things I always say is "never get in a car with a drunk or drugged driver." My dilemma is a most difficult question from my students...." What if the drunk driver is your parent and they make you get in the car?" How can I respond?

Teachers are so often caught in dilemmas like these.

The simple answer is: a parent who is drunk and makes his/her child get into the car is endangering the child and him/herself. However, the child may never be able to safely say this to their parent and especially might not be able to say it when the parent is drunk and the moment is heated. What can you teach a child to do instead?

Help the child help himself:

Make alternative plans. A child who has had this experience should create a contingency plan with a caring adult or with a good friend any and every time he is relying on the substance-abusing parent for a ride. Even if the child thinks, "Dad/mom probably won't drink tonight," the child should still plan ahead.

Practice saying "no" to an insistent parent. You can teach the kids to say no in a non-confrontational style. Role-play can be helpful in finding the appropriate way to speak to a difficult parent (e.g. "I love you, Dad/Mom, and I care about you so much, you could get killed, or hurt someone else and I would never be able to forgive myself for not helping you."). When the child finds words that "work" (i.e. a phrase that the child could imagine actually using successfully with the parent), encourage the child to write it down and practice it.

I know a father who dates his recovery to the time he forced his tween child to accompany him when he drove drunk. He was confronted by a "worried sick" wife and child the following day. When he realized that his addiction had been more important than the safety of his precious child, he began to work towards sobriety!

Alison Birnbaum is a Licensed Certified Social Worker who is a parenting expert in the National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign. She has a private practice in New Canaan, CT.

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