Parent Column
By Alison Birnbaum
Have you taken a stand against marijuana use?
Use these four checkpoints to clarify your own thoughts before you speak to your teen about marijuana use. In this case, practice doesn’t “make perfect,” it just makes good dialogue between you and your teenager.
1. Do Your Homework. Speak to other parents who have successfully steered their children clear of drugs. Then speak to parents who have not succeeded in steering their children clear of drugs. You can also read the testimonials from parents in our forum to understand the addictive nature of marijuana and the connection between it and stronger drugs. Explore TheAntiDrug.com for facts and conversation starters as well.
2. Get Over Your Ambivalence. What is keeping you from taking a clear stand? Is it your own history of marijuana use? If you don’t see the negative consequences of your own experience with drug use, ask yourself if pot smoking made you foggy about your schoolwork or your life? Did it make your family relationships falter? Did you disappoint yourself or others? Did you get caught in situations that were scary, or mixed up with kids who were in danger? If you can answer yes to any of these questions, don’t you want to spare your child a similar learning curve?
If you are ambivalent because you just can’t believe that marijuana is dangerous, and you are not swayed by the fact that more people enter rehab with a marijuana addiction than any other substance, or the fact that today’s marijuana is stronger than the drug of yesterday, ask yourself why you would want your child’s developing brain to be exposed to any toxic substance. Isn’t life challenging enough?
3. Live Your Message. Your message should be crystal clear. Teens are relieved when rules are black and white, even though they will still try to fight them. Try a strong, clear statement, like, “I am expecting that you will never try marijuana. It is illegal, it is dangerous because of its effects on your brain, and it often leads to other drug use.” Another key element of living your message, of course, is leading by example and not using marijuana yourself.
4. Prepare for Pushback. No matter what you say, your teen will inevitably question you. Prepare your answers and prepare your bottom line.
- Why? It is not dangerous!
Actually, more kids enter rehab with marijuana addiction every year than for all other drugs combined. And marijuana affects your nervous system, impairing your judgment and making you take dumb risks like driving a car while stoned. Also, it turns out that the joke about being a “stoner” is really true. Marijuana causes you to lose your forward thinking and your ambition -- the very things you need to have a happy, successful life.
- You don’t trust me!
Trust doesn’t have anything to do with it! My trust in you will be an outcome of knowing that you are using good judgment. It’s like when you were younger, before I let you go into town by yourself, I had to know that you had learned the skills to keep yourself safe (don’t talk to strangers, crossing the road, etc). I stand by my rules because it is still my job to see that you learn how to keep yourself safe.
- Didn’t you do it when you were my age?
Some professionals disagree on this point, but any question about drug use is a good opportunity to open the door for an ongoing dialogue about drugs. You should never feel you have to lie to your kids, but you have no obligation to answer all questions. Generally, the best response is, “This really isn’t about me. This is about you and marijuana use. What do you think about this in your own life, and what have you noticed about people who use marijuana?”
I look forward to reading your thoughtful contributions. Send us your favorite “push back” and the answer you gave your child. Each one of us struggles to find our healthy parenting voice. We can empower each other to become strong for the sake of our children.
Alison Birnbaum, LCSW, has practiced psychotherapy in New York City and Connecticut for 25 years. In her clinical work, she helps adults, adolescents, children, and their families with issues ranging from mental illness and substance abuse to divorce and emotional intelligence. Alison also works as a consultant to the National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign, offering expert advice on various media initiatives and contributing guest columns to TheAntiDrug.com. She was previously a member of the Media Campaign’s Behavior Change Expert Panel (BCEP).
