We are Divorced
Ask the Experts
My 17-year-old lives with his father in another state. He drinks and has used pot and some other drugs.
I don't know how often these things take place. Our son said he's not doing anything anymore and his dad believes
him. I'm not convinced. I let my son go live with his father because he wanted to be with his dad. I wish I'd never
allowed this. I'm the stronger parent, and know there are times you have to give tough love and not give them
everything or believe everything they say without the proof. How can I get his father to see he needs help?
Dear Parent:
You are so right to be concerned about your son! Kids who begin drug use by age 15 are more likely to move
on to more dangerous substances.
Here are some ideas for you to try:
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Even if you are divorced, it is possible to parent as a team. You and your ex-husband have a loved one in common.
Your caring for this child and your responsibilities towards him might help you to work together. Tell his dad why
you are NOT convinced your son is not using drugs. Ask him to tell you why he does feel convinced that your son is
not using drugs. |
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Review the signs of drug use. On this Web site, there is a list of signs to look for when a child is
using marijuana or other drugs. Review these together. |
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Supervise your child. Knowing who your child's friends are and what he is doing in the after school and
evening hours is an important part of parenting and making sure your child is drug free. Your husband should be accountable
for this information. Supervision is essential to parenting a child who has already used drugs. |
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Make a consistent parenting plan. What is your husband's attitude towards underage drinking? How much does
he enforce substance abuse rules in his home? Does your son know his rules and the consequences of not following them? What does
he do to safeguard your son from drinking and driving? |
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If you can't make a parenting plan with your ex… If you still have partial custody, you have the right to
insist that the three of you go into counseling together. You might need an impartial third person (not your son!) to help you
make sure you are doing your best as parents. A counselor who works with families on substance abuse issues will help you negotiate
the gap in your parenting styles. |
Alison Birnbaum is a Licensed Certified Social Worker who is a parenting expert in the National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign. She has a private practice in New Canaan, CT.
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