When Do I Get Help?
Ask the Experts
My fourteen-year-old daughter is using drugs and says she won't stop. We have taken away all her freedom so she doesn't
have time alone very often. She has to walk to and from school, dance, volleyball, and work. If we take all these activities away,
she will have more free time on her hands to get bored. What do we do? She will run away if we are too strict. We know our older
daughter ran away when we tried to enforce rules. How are we supposed to make them stay home if we can't physically force them?
Dear Parent,
Here's the good news:
You do know that you've been down this road before (with your older daughter), and you do know that your current parenting technique
doesn't work with your kids.
Here's the tough news:
You may be in a "no win" position, and it is time to reach out for professional help. Your daughter is extremely challenging, but it is
likely that you are capable of matching her strength (she is YOUR daughter, after all). Don't give up! Although she won't say so, she really
wants you to help her. But to do so, you will need to upgrade your parenting techniques.
Find a professional or a clinic that specializes in helping parents make behavioral changes and firm, loving boundaries with kids. Your
daughter is in danger, so your first task should be to get her off the drugs and back into your family. Because your daughter sounds entrenched
in her behaviors, I want you to know it is unlikely there will be a quick fix. You should find someone to help your family whom you can afford
and who can assist you each week for the next six months (this is approximate!) while you reestablish a healthy relationship with your daughter.
Hire yourself a coach, who can help you and your daughter become allies in her struggle to stay off drugs and to develop positive behaviors.
Alison Birnbaum is a Licensed Certified Social Worker who is a parenting expert in the National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign. She has a private practice in New Canaan, CT.
Parenting is tough. You want to do what's right for your child but you don't always know what that is. Need some advice? Ask the expert.
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