Parenting Style

No one has all the answers when it comes to raising safe and healthy teens who are prepared to succeed in the world. But research does show that certain approaches to parenting can often make a difference. Grandparents and other non-traditional caregivers also can benefit from better understanding, communicating and connecting with the teen in their lives.

Ask yourself the following questions to find your parenting style and learn more about what you’re doing right, and what you could do better.

Parents have different ideas about how to keep an eye on their kids. Which of the following is most like your approach?

I limit unsupervised time. I also routinely check up on my teen unannounced to make sure she is where she said she’d be.
Teens can’t ever be trusted so I really lay down the law when it comes to what my teen is permitted to do. It’s not up for discussion.
Teens need their privacy. I would never eavesdrop wouldn’t want her to be upset with me.
I don’t have time to keep tabs on my teen. My feeling is that teens need to learn how to take care of themselves, so I leave it up to them to make the right decisions.

	Which of these best describes you as a parent?

I connect with my teen, but my first priority is being a parent, not a friend. Maybe I’m too hard on my teen, but she knows I love her. I like being the 'cool' parent. I am busy and my teen is busy, so I don’t see her as much as I would like.

	Which of the following best describes your beliefs about rules and discipline?

I try to praise my teen for good behavior more than I criticize or punish for bad behavior. Teenagers are rebellious by nature. If they break the rules, the consequences should be severe enough to teach them a lesson. I spend more time threatening my teen with punishment than actually giving it. I don’t think discipline works very well. I expect my teen to monitor his own behavior and face the consequences if he makes a bad decision.

	Which of the following reflects your beliefs about loving and nurturing your teen?

I show my love by giving my teen time, being involved, showing affection, listening, giving him positive reinforcement, and providing firm structure. I think you best show your love by expecting your teen to behave properly. He may not always like it now, but eventually he will know we were demanding because we loved him. I believe loving parents try to provide for their teen opportunities and things that they didn’t have when they were growing up. My teen makes more demands on me than I do on him. My teen knows I love him. We provide for his needs and comforts.

	Which of the following describes your relationship with your teen?

Our relationship is warm and mostly positive but I’m not afraid to lay down the law when I have to. Like most kids her age, my teen is rebellious and acts out. I feel like I spend a lot of time and energy lecturing and issuing threats to try to keep her in line. We’re like best friends. My teen tells me everything. Kids will be kids. No matter what I do, she will have to learn her own lessons.

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